Monthly Archives: April 2016

Before or After ?

You may wonder what this is all about.  Have you heard an eulogy?

Many may have heard the good deeds of a person, or the wonderful life that he or she lived after his/her demise.

I have a question. Why does one wait for a person to leave this world to speak well about him/her?

Will it benefit the person any more when he/she is gone?  Or is it only for the family members to hear about his/her life, which they now begin to appreciate even more.

Will anyone ever speak ill of a person who has breathed his/her last?  Very rarely..

So let’s break tradition.. we can affirm people NOW! Tell them what we appreciate about them when they are here in our presence and will be encouraged .  It will make a world of a difference..

Don’t shed tears after your loved one has gone. Tell him/her exactly how you feel about the impact on your life. If you have anything negative, then, please do not share it with others.  Rather think of the good that a person has done. Speak about that to the person directly and even to others.

Build up people , ….do not pull down…

So speak before and not after; Speak about the good before and not after..

Your good words spoken ‘after’ will only be an echo, which the departed soul may not hear, and would have greatly benefitted him or her in their lifetime……probably to know and be appreciated.



A golden memory of my Dad will always be of him carrying me on his shoulder. I was a little young boy, struck by diphteria. Next door my granduncle ( more like my grandfather, as Dad lost his father in his childhood) was hosting a lunch for the entire family; and since I was not keen on being left out , my Dad carried me across.

Those were the days of beautiful memories, when I remember playing cricket,and Dad on his way to his clinic, would try out his overarm spin for a brief moment and then carry on to work.

He always encouraged us in sports and studies.

We were five brothers and played nearly all games….hockey, cricket, table tennis, badminton, …later he ensured we learned the nuances of tennis, with proper coaching on finishing with school. We also learnt to swim.

His idea of education was not only studying well, but to be able to relate well to others big or small, rich or poor. For this reason he insisted on sending us to Antonio De Souza’s High School, where he himself studied. It certainly helped  to achieve this purpose, as this school also reached out to people of lesser means, and  had good results in academics and sports.

We had a simple lifestyle. Even though Dad had a car and a driver, we would normally either walk to school or take the bus. On finishing the morning session at school we would return with Dad in the car. The times it rained heavily, he would insist that we get the driver to drop us to school ( a drive in pouring rain was a thrill )

At the family meal, we all had our respective places, with the youngest at the table end. Being  a slow eater, Dad finally promoted me to sit at his right hand. This helped me in the process of being more alert and quick during the meal.

Summer holidays were memorable. Many young boys would join us , ( we were 5 brothers) to play various team games in the home compound. Dad never raised his voice and I never saw him losing his temper. The only time I saw him upset was when my older brother accidently got a severe cut on his arm through kite manjar ( thread with glass coating ), which went quite deep near  the bone. Dad hurried home and his first reaction, was to give him  a few spanks ( just light ones)  and then deal with the medical concerns .

We also visited Borivili for  short holidays at our bungalow  in beautiful natural surroundings. Those were the days when we relaxed in the balcony on the first floor and enjoyed the light breeze blowing in from a creek nearby. Well water was so good , that the cup of tea, had a delectable taste.  I have good memories of pulling water from the well. However we still required to replenish our water requirements from a bullock cart carrying water container. We relished the mangoes we   plucked  from the trees in our orchard.

There were more holidays later in Goa. But Dad’s visits were few on those trips. He was a staunch Indian and involved in the freedom struggle with his uncle Dr. Ubaldo Mascarenhas, who later became the Mayor of Bombay.  Hence he was on a black list of the ruling Portuguese in Goa until Liberation.  The holidays in other parts of India are still fresh. We had a few , but beautiful ones. ….in Bangalore, Nainital and Matheran. I treasure those holidays as we really enjoyed family time and  got refreshed .

Even though he encouraged us all in our education. I really appreciate his special concern and patience for me, when I faced challenges of exam stress and choice of careers in my youthful days.

He worked very hard and never thought of retirement. He reached out to many people in the course of his medical practice. We learnt of his generosity, when many patients returned long after his passing away. Even though he never joined serious politics, he was well versed in current affairs and I would often hear him express very mature views on problems the country faced. On several occasions he was requested to stand for elections, but turned down these offers, for the sake of his own family responsibilities. We were a close family , but he also  handled the affairs of the extended family, which involved property  and other legal matters; this eventually took a toll on his health.

A quiet man indeed. However some of his accomplishments speak for him. He was a Gold Medallist in Pathology at King Edward Memorial Medical College. He also won medals in Badminton and in his Stamp Collections … The Philatelic Society of India Exhibition of Stamps. He  served in his quiet way on Committees for the Underprivileged, like the Society of Piety and Tagore Society( for reaching out to students in Education)

The additional worries and responsibilities, led to him experiencing several strokes due to high blood pressure. He slowed down and it was a compulsory retirement from his private medical practice . Even then I was amazed to hear his shuffle as he came down the stairs to sit with us and enjoy some exciting matches of the Football World Cup or Hockey or some of the Olympic Games.

He experienced a mini revival some days before he passed away. It was such a joy to see his smile on Easter Morning. He even visited my brother next door for a birthday celebration. But that was his last walk ……….he slept peacefully that night , to wake to  eternity at 0030hrs on the 24th April 1984..

My Dad…..Dr. Micky (Michael) Leopold Mascarenhas…….R.I.P.




The Silence of Wishes


I wish the quiet of the night continues

Into the peace of the day.

I wish that the light of true love shines through the darkness of hatred.

I wish that the sunrise of tomorrow will bring the joys of brotherhood .

I wish thDSC_0181 (2)at people all over the world lived under one roof.

I wish that there was no need of wishes.

I wish that that every wish being granted I develop a heart of a gratitude.

Anger- a problem?


The root of anger is the thought process. Whenever I have been wrongly treated or faced aggression, or even got into heated arguments, I get angry.

Much as people advise, controlling anger is a big challenge. When such a situation arises, the mind and body do get affected. Further the body systems get into a hyped mode and can cause the repurcussions which lead to increased blood pressure and severe headaches,  lack of sleep and other ailments.

The best ways of recognizing the beginnings of anger is to see whether one is affected by the turn of events in relating to another. Will the reality of losing any agument or  discussion upset me.

How can I overcome anger. The best way is to have an attitude of detachment.

Will winning or losing any argument or discussion,  give me that much more joy, or  lead to ill health .

How about thinking about the interests of others. Does that sound strange?

On the contrary , whenever one thinks genuinely of the interest of others, one builds very good relationships for the future. After all when I thing of the well being of another , it helps the other person to realize that being largehearted, is a gracious gift to another, and has ripple effects. More good is channelized by the promotion of such attitude.

Not all anger is wrong. When a person sees another doing wrong which affects others  by this unjustified behavior,  we  certainly need to take steps to ensure that the person is apprised of this behavior, so as  to take remedial /corrective measures.

However the best tonic to deal with anger is to refrain from reacting , and  to respond with

a sound mind. Further if one has been wrongly treated, forgiveness is taking the high road to help mend relations.

It makes good sense to “ Never let the sun go down on your anger” Forget about revenge, getting even or churning up the thoughts of events leading to the arousal of anger.

Peace of mind and heart are tonics for a happy  life.